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[x}\\...Natsie The Star Lover....</3
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| well i was sooo |
[Saturday
September 9th, 2006] |
messed up yesterday
meep! i shall never down neat/straight vodka gah!
i threw up about 4 times XD
i have never thrown up from drinking ever!
but yea thanks to kayleigh and cassy^^
for seeing if i was okay and all the other people who gave money to kayleigh to get water =]]
fuck charlotte f go die.
=\
Lynda was rather amusing drunk hahah
had nice walk with sara =]] and louise.
kay couldn't find me so went to get ged who got concerned and they started to look round hitchin for me.
I which at the end i was at the hall still.
and told ged to fuck off.
Im such a loevly girl =]]
tbh was great seeing everyone.
XD
^^
now i gotta go to hitchin hand in my cv at new look and go to the college with my letter to see if i can enrol in the hairdressing coourse =]]
x
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|
|
| Today was awesome =]] |
[Saturday
September 2nd, 2006] |
Met many people
=]] all awesome
digswell whoa!
well worth my £5.50 =]]
loz randomnly attack me ahhh scared me but i scratched her =[[
katie, tasha and lousie with the banner fawking lmfao.
they were awesome and the bra's lol classic.
robbie drink please =]
that boy who gave me stuff was awesome XD
guy with septum pushed me so fawking pushed him back, then decided to poke and pull my hair.
paul....just weird.
adam,jack,joe,mark,josh,darren,that goth boy.....fawking awesome to mosh and dance with and hang out in the bands vip area with =p
Rodders from ex-nihlo who i gave my braclet too meep. awesome guy mind i met him at rhythms when he just got his awesome tattoo done i love it no offense to jonni who is also fab.
weeman is awesome also tbh. =]]
Dean and alex hahaha see yew next week down bedford guys.
scott,paulio and daniellesee yew at my passion next week yea?
kay just wonderful and my lil scene minion.
jason...ta for nicking my lambrini but love your hair tbh.
and yew are awesome. even though yew have a disease and are not even worth £5.50
gah can't remember others names but yea.
loved today.
=]]]
made me all happy nside =p.
back for 6th for soon yey!!
=p
xx
|
|
|
| -thinks- |
[Tuesday
August 29th, 2006] |
I have stopped smoking YEY!! =]] no more nastiness.
im also cutting down on drinking, don't like being completely drunk. tbh.
butyea sat should be fun.
digswell gig 2-12
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
=p
xx
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|
| ged can.,.. |
[Sunday
August 27th, 2006] |
go and die in a thorny bush slowly.
fuck him he shouldn't have insulted mark.
pfft.
just because he dumped kay grrr
fuck of tard
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[Sunday
August 27th, 2006] |
So what if I came clean
And told you all you mean to me
So what if I meant every word I said
Baby don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name
Cause you're always on my brain
In a heart, I paint it crimson red
Baby don't let it go to your head
Don't be getting any big ideas
Let me make it clear
[Chorus:]
Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head
So what if I want to kiss
From your toes up to your lips
It don't mean that you've had me yet
You're gonna be good, I bet
I'm the one whose in control here
Let me make it clear
Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head
Ohhhhh
Don't let it go to your head
Ohhhhh
I had a porcelain doll
I held on to it so tightly
But when it broke, I swore
I'd never hold on to something that tightly again
Don't let it go to your head
Oh, no (oh, no)
meep!
=S
i miss markeh and kay...
=[[
miss people.
can't wait till 6th form =]
hmm well...
nothing new has really happened tbh.
tad dull.
except for that really hawt boy =\
and me wondering would it be uber weird to kiss someone else with snakebites XD
hahah
that is all.
x
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| ...=]] |
[Monday
August 21st, 2006] |
why is eveything so complicated..
or do i just make them complicated.
at the moment i don't fell a 100% there....
specially when i'm with ged i can't tell him how i feel.
=[[ which makes me feel bad.
i just feel i shouldn't trust him....
everyone says i should and stuff.
i just can't bring myself to.
I talk to mark as he's the only one i can talk to about everything.
=\
Life's good just need to sort out things in my head.
=[
x
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| oh yea... |
[Saturday
August 19th, 2006] |
yesterday was well fun! hahah
me, mark and kay.
met chloe, ellie and jamie at train station.
then i met kate and tasha brought us lambrini
as i had drank all the vodka and other stuff =s
but yea them two were amazing lol.
and loved there song XD
Mark
Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark x2
When I'm with you there's a spark
Without you the future is stark
And my life is so dark
And filled with despair...
Oh Mark, with your emo hair
Oh Mark, how I really do care
Oh Mark, don't leave me standing there
Or I'll cut off your penis and sell it for drugs
Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark x2
I love the smile on your face
I'll blind you for a while with my mace
And I'll take you to that special place
For illegal fun!
Oh Mark, with your emo hair
Oh Mark, how I really do care
Oh Mark, don't leave me standing there
Or I'll handcuff you to my bed for eternity
Break it down!!
Mark likes dressing in girls' clothes (oi oi oi)
Mark likes making out with older girls (oi oi oi)
Mark likes drinking whisky and coke (oi oi oi)
MARK IS TEH UBER N00B
Oh Mark, with your emo hair
Oh Mark, how I really do care
Oh Mark, don't leave me standing there
Or I'll violently remove your anal virginity
Sexual terrorists win!
It's not rape... it's surprise sex!
©Kate & Tasha 2006
fawking lol!
they made me laugh hella alot
XD
but yea twats amaze yesterday/
=]]]]
xxx
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[Friday
August 18th, 2006] |
I live life by my own rules.
Try and insult me, it's not going to work. All I have to say is thank you for making me a stronger person with each word you throw at me.
I don't care about your opinion on how I look or act.
I refuse to change myself to fit anyones standards but my own.
I am aware I am impatient,stubborn and a tad bitchy.
pfft!
i can't be fucked with yew twats that hate me because of the way i am.
im never gunna change for shite.
not even for a boy.
seriously some people just piss me off.
=]]
argh!
i hate rain.
=\
x
|
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|
| here in your arms |
[Tuesday
August 15th, 2006] |
'i like where we are
when we drive in your car
i like where we are
here
cause our lips can touch
and our cheeks can brush
our lips can touch
here
i like where you sleep
when you sleep next to me
i like where you sleep
here
where you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers, "hello, i've missed you quite terribly"
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now theres no place else i can be but here in your arms"
|
|
|
| ...=]] |
[Monday
August 14th, 2006] |
|
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| emo... |
[Sunday
August 13th, 2006] |
Times2
The Times July 06, 2006
Times2
Emotionally challenged
Michele Kirsch
So you're 16 and feeling low. Now there is an adolescent angst subculture called emo. And through the internet it has become an international teen phenomenon
Listen to Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner by Fall Out Boy
In writing to a person who calls herself “Suicide is Painless”, who identifies herself as a person into “emo”, which is a huge youth subculture and musical genre with an emphasis on being very open about emotions, often sad ones, I find I get stuck on form. “Dear Suicide” sounds as if I am making fun of her, Dear Miss Painless sounds overly formal. When I finally settle on Miss SIP, which looks horribly like RIP without my specs on, I ask her, pardon me, but what it is this EMO thing? She doesn’t write back. Hardly any of them do. But this one bugs me, because it’s hard to tell if she is just a fan of the M*A*S*H theme tune, which includes the line “suicide is painless”, or if she has possibly decided to find out if it really is, the hard way.
Despite admonishments from emo music fans — that if I am writing an article to explain emo to grown-ups, to parents — to not link emo with depressed kids, unhealthy introspection, the semi glorification of self-harm and a host of other serious adolescent neuroses, I am drawn to explore this angle because almost every young person I talk to about emo tells me the apocryphal MySpace suicide note story, which is a story different from my unanswered note to Miss SIP.
An emo boy based in Orange County, California, writes a suicide note and posts it on his MySpace website. MySpace (owned by News Corporation, the parent company of The Times) seems to be the virtual centre of emo world — the way that the music gets spread, the way that the lyrics are dissected, the way that emo kids link up with other emo kids in other towns, suburbs or countries. The boy shoots himself and very soon hundreds of messages are posted on the notice boards in various chat rooms, some which say how sad it is, how sorry they feel for his family, and others — ranting, raving, sarcastic and scathing — more or less say hooray, the only good emo is a dead emo, if he is into that awful music he deserves to die. And it is more than music snobbery-induced bravado. There is real vitriol in a message such as: “What a f****** piece of shit he is. Look at all the people that are all, ‘boo hoo, I miss you, I love you,’ . . . he f****** deserved death.”
Maybe you won’t have noticed this unless you’re a teenager, or the parent of one, but emo as a teen phenomenon is the Next Big Thing, bigger than Goth. What is it about emo — a term used broadly to describe pop music bands specialising in confessional lyrics, or to describe a style of dress that is a pick-and-mix variety of postcard punk, Goth, nerdy indy kids in vintage too-tight jumpers, boys wearing “ guyliner”, or to describe the kids who follow the emo bands or dress in an “alternative” way — that inspires such venomous hatred at worst, and black-humoured caricature at best?
My nine-year-old nephew, who lives in suburban Long Island, New York, which some consider to be the capital of emo, says of the MySpace suicide: “It was a hoax. They know because the guy logged on the next day, after he was supposedly dead, to see what everyone had written.” He says this with a big grin, and then tells me a couple of emo jokes. One is based on a cereal advert that goes: Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. My nephew says: “Silly emo, razors are for shaving.”
Then he tells the one about emo grass, which cuts itself. I find a mock-emo blog entitled “My Life is an Abysmal Piece of Shit” and then a more gentle and hilarious mickeytaking video called Mighty Moshin Emo Rangers, super heroes with powers such as weepy tears, introspection and bleeding hearts.
My niece, who works in a pharmacy, chirrups in that the official emo drug is Zoloft, a prescription antidepressant, and she should know, she says, she fills the prescriptions. Well if emo kids are really that depressed, I say, then clearly the drugs aren’t working.
So who are the typical emo kids? The answer depends entirely on the person I am asking, and on which side of the pond they are based.Samantha, a no-nonsense Long Island-based 20-year-old college student who works part-time, lives at home, and thinks emo is for losers, says: “They are middle-class suburban kids with all the opportunities everyone else has, but they take the littlest thing and get all devastated over it in a very melodramatic way. Every little problem is like a gigantic deal and they are creating these devastating scenarios for themselves. I’m not sure if they actually hurt themselves but the girls wear fat rubber bracelets supposedly to cover up their cutting scars and the boys wear make-up and kiss each other on stage. Being gay or pretending to be gay is very emo.”
Dan Silver, associate editor of NME, was a fan of “emocore”, which was a hardcore forerunner of the genre that has morphed into “music for wusses”. He tells me that there is an emo scene in England, with pockets of obsessive fans seeing obscure bands, but that the term emo has been misused to the point of signifying nothing but its caricature. “If you are outside the emo scene here, it is really shorthand for rubbish bedwetters, wearing broken spectacles held together by tape and whingeing about their girlfriends dumping them.”
But with the UK-based Mighty Moshin emo kids, who are, they say, the genuine emo article, only self-deprecating with it, there appears to be a postmodern spin. Nick Pittom, co-director with Chris Phillips of the Mighty Moshin Emo Rangers video, says: “There is a certain irony to it; we take ourselves less seriously over here.”
But this is just a theory, because when I ask him to introduce me to an ironic English emo kid, as I ask all my music-biz friends to introduce me to real live funny English emo kids, the first thing they all say is that no one will admit to being emo.
Jon Hatfield, a 20-year-old guitarist in a metal band called Never Means Maybe, says right away: “We are not an emo band but we do have the odd song that would appeal to the emo crowd. I think emo is an extreme style and the kids who dress it, like chavs, are used to being mocked so they don’t really care. But generally, people who are emo will deny that they are emo, though you get some who are emo and proud.”
Leaving me to ponder if it is a really nasty thing to “out” a closet emo. I ring Andy Greenwald, author and emo champion, whose book Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers and Emo is an emo bible/primer for diehard fans and novices such as myself. He has a great line on emo lyrics capturing the marriage of sixth-form poetry, “no one really understands me” angst with the shopping mall-based social lives of suburban emo fans: “It tends to come off like Rimbaud relocated to the food court.”
Greenwald, who has toured with many emo bands, says that the emo lifestyle is generally clean cut. “It is a way of living that comes from the bands themselves. I could not have picked a duller genre in terms of spending time on tour buses and not being able to get a beer. These guys don’t drink or smoke or do drugs. They like comics and video games and art. And the kids ‘hang out’ in MySpace. If you live in the suburbs and don’t have a car, here is this place where life goes on 24/7 and you are plugged into a community immediately, and you have the freedom online to have a second, heroic version of yourself.”
But that is not specific to emo, I argue, but to life online in general. What is specific to it has grown from a subculture to something approaching American mainstream, from little bands playing little clubs to giant emo success stories — the band Dashboard Confessional is one, My Chemical Romance is another — playing sellout arena tours because of the word on the web.
“It is different from other movements such as punk because of the egalitarian nature of it. It is a perfect storm of music that is comforting, welcoming and wants to draw you in and make you feel better — and then the great democratisation of subculture by the internet.”
Just how web-driven is emo? “One hundred per cent,” says Trevor Kelly, co-author, with Leslie Simon, of an emo guide provisionally titled I Second That Emotion. “These kids live online. They spend more time online than they do at shows and record stores. There is an incredibly popular band in the US called Panic! At The Disco. They got their big break from posting an MP3 on Peter Wenz from his Fall Out Boys (another emo band) blog. Within 18 months they had sold 500,000 records and were on MTV. This would have never happened if emo types didn’t spend the majority of their free time online.” But that doesn’t mean that emo kids sit in their room all day on their own, crying, says Kelly. “The music is cathartic and all emo fans seek out that very release. So does listening to emo music and going to emo web chats encourage fans to wallow in self pity and despair, or cheer them up in a strange ‘safety in numbers’ sort of way? That is, if this many kids feel this bad, it must be ‘normal’.”
Leslie Simon says: “I think that the media has portrayed the fans as a bunch of depressed misfits who worship a bunch of depressed cry-babies. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Those who have spearheaded the movement — mostly musicians and reluctant actors — have simply urged their followers to express their emotions just as they have through words, art and music.”
When Michelle Malkin, an American conservative syndicated columnist, wrote that emo is “associated with promoting the cutting culture” (cutting as in wrists, not as in edgy) there was as a predicable pro-emo backlash.
Brendan Joel Kelly, a Phoenix-based music writer, says: “Emo, by definition, is about pouring your emotions out. Cutters, I’ve learnt from talking to some experts, don’t have an outlet for their emotions, an outlet like music, like emo. So Malkin’s argument just doesn’t make sense.”
The night I fly out to New York to find out about emo, a friend’s band, My Life Story, is playing a reunion gig in London. My Life Story are not emo, per se, but my pals tell me that people were crying, really crying, en masse, at the gig. Not angsty teens, but people in their thirties and forties.
The singer Jake Shillingford does not find this unbearably weird. “Maybe they were crying tears of joy?” he says. “But if you make emotive music and then give it back to people for one night, and these songs are personal and autobiographical, it’s like going through your shoebox of girlfriends’ old letters: people will get emotional.”
Suddenly it all makes sense. I do buy the line — as suggested by pro-emo people — that there is no causal relationship between emo and depression, or cutting, or suicidal tendencies, but the really worrying thing is that more kids in general are experiencing these things and some emo kids are perhaps just a bit more open about it. It’s Oprah with power chords, tight black jeans and piercings. Heaven knows they are miserable now, but I suspect, like the overcoated Manchester miserablists of the 1980s, they will get over it.
Emo girl
I became an emo because I like the fashion. We wear T-shirts with emo band names or leopard-print tops and short denim skirts with coloured cropped tights or drainpipe jeans. The shoes are either Converse, Vans, little dolly shoes, pumps or leopard-print. Accessories would be hair bows or coloured studded belts with big buckles. We also wear large beads on our wrists and necks. The music we listen to is emo/screamo. They tend to scream down the microphone rather than singing. I would not say I was depressed or over-emotional but I am shy, so it is a way of expressing myself through my clothes and make-up. It upsets me that other teenagers (chavs) will pick on us for being different. It’s like the 1960s mods and rockers — now it’s emos and chavs. There can be a lot of friction. I’m not sure why we’re such a problem to those who aren’t emo. Perhaps they don’t understand us, but then I am a teenager — who does?
Lauren Dixon, 15
Emo music — the forerunners
Gloomy Sunday
(1936)
Also known as the Hungarian suicide song. Recorded by a litany of gloomsters.
When It Rains, It Really Pours
Elvis Presley (1957)
Teenage heartache from Elvis.
Last Kiss
J. Frank Wilson (1964), Pearl Jam (1999)
Anguished car crash song based on a true story about a teenage girl who died in a car accident on her first date.
My Generation
The Who (1965)
The original frustrated teenagers.
Paint It Black
Rolling Stones (1966)
Archetypal homage to being depressed.
Goodbye to Love
The Carpenters (1972)
A song once described as “Less a song than a suicide note with a musical score”.
I Don’t Care
Ramones (1976)
“I don’t care about this world, I don’t care about that girl, I don’t care.” Perhaps the most emo song . . . ever.
Love Will Tear Us Apart
Joy Division (1980)
A song about the breakdown of the lead singer's marriage, it came out a few weeks before he killed himself.
Suffer Little Children
The Smiths (1982)
Emo-favourite Morrissey imagines himself as a Moors murder victim.
Current emo groups include:
Fall Out Boys, Panic! At the Disco, Funeral for a Friend. Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, Death Cab for Cutie, Bright Eyes, My Chemical Romance, Simple Plan, Jimmy Eat World, The Get Up Kids.
FREE DOWNLOAD To hear a track from Fall Out Boys click here
How to spot an emo
Make-up-stained eyes hiding behind thick gelled-down black hair.
Black depressing clothes. Girls wear polka dots and ultra-tight, jet-black jeans. Boys wear dark-coloured T-shirts with band names on them.
Emos seem to like mutilating their bodies. Lip piercing is common, with other facial and body piercings.
Jet-black cheap hair extensions are often stuck on the back of girls’ hair.
Black, thick-rimmed glasses frame the already eyeliner-drenched eyes.
Leopard print is big on the emo scene. Leopard and zebra-print shoes and bags.
They tend to wander around with pained looks on their faces.
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| <3 |
[Tuesday
August 8th, 2006] |
Yesterday with kayleigh
was well fun, brought 3 pairs of shoes!
Vans with pink penguins!!!
hahaha
anyways arlesey to hitchin, hitchin to stevenage, lol
saw jack, loz,lynda and char.
Met ged in hitchin.
in which he couldn't find me hahah.
i'm doing kayleighs hair 2moz.
JT ADDICTION lol
-blames loz-
stupid train people when kayleigh gave him a permit and a ticket she thought she was in trouble....
wel she was for wasting a whole 10p!! lol
lol they soaked my trousers!!!!1
some people are so grumpy
oh yea!!
som chavs in hitchin told me to got back to mcdonalds fatty!!!
i was like erm...yea alright im like a fucking beachball!!!!
lol
meep!
xxx
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| Shower time! |
[Sunday
August 6th, 2006] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Walking away - the egg |
] |
again please.
teee heheh.
anyways....
i've made my skirt!!
i feel well proud
gah i love that t-shirt <3
I actually cut my hair again and i love it.
I want to dance...like i did friday!
tee heheh
Joe,matt,ged that lil boy, and two girls.
hahah
we went to hitchin fair.
in which i went on a ride and loved it so you know.
and then went skipping with drunk joe through hitchin to the hill.
i love texts from ged...
like
You're too beautiful. X
and
eek. love u more. =]]
im sorry if i did anything wrong.
xxx love youxxx
and loved his top on friday hahah.
Everythings starting to look up.
At adams next thurs and fri.
partah!!
tee heheh.
i miss markeh and char. =[[
x
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|
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| booyah |
[Saturday
August 5th, 2006] |
drink up baby down
mmm are you in or are you out
leave your things behind cause it's all going off without you
excuse me too busy writing your tragedy
these mishaps you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go jump in oh well whatcha waiting for
it's alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go just get in oh it's so amazing here
it's alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown
it gains the more it gives & it rises with the fall
[so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff¹s a sideshow]
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply
so let go
well friday...went to peterborough with ged...
he asked me out
i said yes.
stayed round his...
Weird thing was he wanted sex....
i didn't, so i told him no.
i told him i wantedto take it slow aswell.....
went to hitchin fair and have met all of geds bestmates...
but meh.
xxx
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| i have |
[Sunday
July 30th, 2006] |
a hubby-to-be and it is.....
ADAM!!!
hahah losers
i wanna see ged... =[[
i want friday to be 2moz
its gunna be fun meep
=D!
he makes me smile so much
someone asked me the other day hows yew and matt and i was like
matt what!?!
then realised what they were on bout lmfao
o deary
=D!!
ahh cant stop smiling and all myfriends are happy
because i am smiling and
just ahh]
XXX
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| Loving |
[Friday
July 28th, 2006] |
techno baby
I've been crowned the Scene/emo queen lmfao
Because i'm well awesome.
will actually make a video taking the piss outta scene kids cause i can lol.
meep been back on vf
and nearly 2000 people have rated me
my rating is 9.96 and won't budge which is gay.
and i found a fake of me on there.
now that a tad pathetic.
pfft! gays stealing my pics.
they must be well ugly if they had to take my pics.
-raves-
I've lost weight aswell now XD
jay says i don't need to lose weight i need to gain weight
because i weigh nothing and gunna disappear lol.
but i fit a waist 27 jeans.
meep!
Ged says he likes me ton and tons -rolls eyes-
i asked what way does he like me
he said he would tell me next friday, when we got peterborough.
-blinks-
i asked why
but of course gay myspace is down so i can't see his reply -_-
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| Apparenlty i look like... |
[Thursday
July 27th, 2006] |
i belong in an eighties grunge band or something
lmfao XD
er...alright
meep
XD
xx
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|
|
| awww |
[Thursday
July 27th, 2006] |
Char. -He makes me feel like he's all i'll ever need- says:
aw lol hahah i read ur bulletin
u best not steal her from me
ZOOPERHAPPY Ged. =]] Liking You. =]] Watching Film. =]] says:
i will not steal her from you.
share?
Char. -He makes me feel like he's all i'll ever need- says:
ok
ZOOPERHAPPY Ged. =]] Liking You. =]] Watching Film. =]] says:
yayness
Char. -He makes me feel like he's all i'll ever need- says:
ill have her beauty can have her brain ...
ZOOPERHAPPY Ged. =]] Liking You. =]] Watching Film. =]] says:
tehehe
you have the right
ill have the left
and share the face?
Char. -He makes me feel like he's all i'll ever need- says:
ok !
deal
ZOOPERHAPPY Ged. =]] Liking You. =]] Watching Film. =]] says:
=]]]]
but i still love all of her.
=]]
Char. -He makes me feel like he's all i'll ever need- says:
lol me too
=]]]
-cries-
Ged rang me up last night aswell
and is like hug me and hold my hand in peterborough
and says my nose is cute o.0 lol
and loves my hair meep!
Char
26/07/2006 22:47
me and ged own u ! yup !
but the type of owning where u can do what the hell u like !
=]]
xxx
hahah wonder what shes on bout not -rolls eyes-
gunna miss char shes on holiday for 2 weeks
but sh will have a suprise when she gets back....
tee heheh
I'm missing gee
and cas and polly
soon as i get back from clacton is am going out to see them
meep!
-drags mark-
POP!
26/07/2006 21:58
Nat,
I would like to see you again soonies please!
It was ace haning out with you and char [:
Hope eveything in life of Nat is good [:
AND i saw me in the heros list :D
made me well smile haha
love love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
meep!
i feel special
they know me for who i am
daniel better come with me to clacton
drinking and crap with him.
ta
xxx
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